turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
