I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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