i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
