6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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