When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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