I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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