Umm I'm too high to move.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
