i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
