and you said cock pushups were impossible
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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