I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
