Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Please don't give away my fajitas
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
