Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
