I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
