Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
