White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
