I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
