You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
