I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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