Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
