We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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