just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
