you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
