so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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