Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
