Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
