You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
