Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize