My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
