i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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