if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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