Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
