I think my fart just growled at me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you win again, gameday.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
