Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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