Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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