apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
