I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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