shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
