like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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