i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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