I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
