and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
