great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
