I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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