I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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