I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I deserve this hangover.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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