You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
