I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize