will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize