Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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