just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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