dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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