Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
