oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
