my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
