Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
