hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
