it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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