i permit you to call me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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