uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
