Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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