I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just found puke in my bra..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Sorry about my life...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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