She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
