hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
