the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize