Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
