every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
