Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
